The Chelsea Diaries

WOW

2010-10-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

hahaha..... I think I'm probably just writing this to myself, but that's ok. I don't know how I stumbled upon this old blog o' mine... but I'm so glad I did. I think I stayed signed in somewhere with this old email address and when I ventured to blogspot, here it was. Totally abandoned and forgotten about. I read every entry of mine (how narcissistic). What mile stones. I almost forgot what life use to look like. The trails I went through. Beautiful. Horrendous. but beautiful. I'm thankful for them. I've grown up so much. (to toot my own horn).

In the old testament they would leave piles of rocks where they were at when God moved in their lives so they'd always remember.

Pile of rocks=Blog to me.

I don't need to blog anymore. I blog with pictures. On facebook. That's how I do it now.

It's so funny reading where I was. My life is so different now. So peaceful. So beautiful.

I married Matt. Nuff said.

We have never have had a fight.

Never has he breathed an unkind word to me.

Only life, affirmation, encouragement.

I've come so far with his love.

Brody is huge and amazing. So smart. So funny. He's with us most of the time. His dad's only every-other weekend. It allows for stability, consistency. It caused controversy but Matt and I are reminded every day why it was for the best. When we see his peace. Beyond worth it.

I'm a busy photographer. I stay home with Brody but I may just be the breadwinner. I love my job. We're always on the go. Kansas City one weekend, Eureka Springs, then down to Texas, etc ect. Matt goes with me. When turn them into romantic getaways.

Im in school to be a certified yoga instructor. Taking anatomy classes. Got an A in my Sanskrit presentation. "tadasana into vriksasana then hasta padan angooshasans". LOVE IT. Will be doing it on the side. Probably just volunteering at the local abused women's shelter. Yoga and meditation have given me body confidence. I think I could share that with them. I am also involved with a national organization who calls on local photographers to photograph a dead or dying baby or child. It's been of of the toughest things I've ever done but so honoring and rewarding. All non for profit. You can learn more about it here: http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

You can also see my latest work here http://fourthirteenphotos.blogspot.com/

Thanks for reading......:)

its the truth

2009-09-02T00:48:00.000-07:00

I'M IN LOVE, I'M IN LOVE , AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!

:-)

*sigh*

ok, bye!

thank you Victoria for sharing your secret...

2009-08-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

I feel like if my boobs had a nationality...

they'd be french.

Been a while....

2009-08-12T09:47:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to begin blogging again.. I have intentions to do it regularly. If only for myself. Just to let my thoughts flow.

dangerous.

mysterious.

who knows what I'll say.

I want to have a complete unfiltered blog.

Not hiding anything.

Real life at its finest.

FLAWED AND ALL.

Even if it's just a sentence here and there.

ugh.

hi people.

life has been such a whirlwind since my last entry.

I'm happy.

but it's only partially circumstantial.

Its mostly just realizing that you make your own joy.

life happens.

it sucks sometimes.

but the good stuff is sooooooo good.

where to start?? hmmm.... I'm all moved into my apartment. I'm still lacking a dining room table, lamps, a bed for brody.. but I have all the essentials.

I get by.

My favorite lens broke.

my computer keeps crashing.

I need a battery and power cord for my laptop.

I still owe my lawyer money.

I'm being sued for over $20000.00 (josh stopped paying on the house that HE got in the divorce.) but MY name is on it. its HIS house. but they want ME to pay for it.

my medical bills have gone into collections.

josh maxed out 2 credit cards in my name.. and hasn't paid on them.

the repossessed car that josh was suppose to pay on, didn't sell at auction for what its worth so 'they' want the balance from me.

'they' call me all the time.

'they' cant steal my joy.

josh cant steal my joy.

my joy comes from the Lord. and from OPEN. EYES.

eyes that choose to see good.

eyes that choose to see beauty in the ashes.

the fire refines me.

the trials give me character.

what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. (thanks kanye)

I'm good.

I'm happy.

My life is flawed.

At times, overwhelmingly so.

It's all fleeting.

It's all momentary.

It's all a moment.

and this moment too shall pass.

**************************************

MATT.

:)

ugh. Matt.

I adore this kid.

Nuff said.

*************************************************
The government pays for my cheese.

but it helps me get by.

************************************************************

I miss my sister.

***********************************

A week without Brody is enough to drive me to insanity. I can't think about it though. (His time is being split between me and his dad in St. Louis.)

Brody.

what a character.

He has his momma's eyes.

and spirit.

My 2 best features if you ask me.

He's happiest when he's making ME laugh.

and he's good at it.

My favorite time is breakfast. when we eat together. He takes a sip of juice when I do. he wipes his mouth when I do. we sit on the kitchen floor. our butts are the only seats we have for the moment. but its ok. we're happy. we like it. we might even still do it when we get a table. :)

my photography buisness is picking up so much that I had to drop another shift at one of my jobs to keep up with it.

this is good news. I feel so positive about the future.

in every way.

I never want to stop growing and learning.

I. AM. SO. BLESSED.

LOVE IS...

2009-05-04T23:11:00.000-07:00

... Chocolate chip pancakes on a Saturday morning.

THIS is the kind of mom I want to be.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it.

2009-05-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

I found the most adorable, affordable apartments and now, they're all I think about!!! They're brand new! No one has ever lived in them! I turned in my application and am now on the waiting list. They said that everything looks good and I should be in in June. :)

ugh. I really can't wait. I can't wait to start accumulating things again. I don't even own a spoon! I'm having to start COMPLETELY from scratch, but yet instead of panicking, I have this unexplainable peace in knowing that everything's going to fall into place and work out.

I believe that if God sees me working 6 or more days a week and doing all that I can to provide a life for Brody and I, that he'll meet me half way and make the rest just work out.

I'm on my way right now to my FAVORITE furniture store (I seriously LOVE this place) to look around and perhaps talk to the owners about making payments on a couch or dining room table.

I can't wait!

:)

nothing better....

2009-04-24T10:48:00.000-07:00

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That you're deserting for better company?

Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future.
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures.

You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye

Say goodbye.

My vomit blog

2009-04-06T14:08:00.000-07:00

where everything just kinda comes out......

no pun intended, since I'm currently sick in bed with SOMETHING.. blah. I think I have the STRESS BUG. The "I've worn my immune system down so badly bc of lack of sleep and constant work" bug. I started my day at 4:30am yesterday where I opened at one store... and then had to close at another that night. FYI 17 hour days... SUCK.

It will be worth it though. If I can stop missing work (like I am right now) bc of the vomiting... it will be worth it.

Moving on...

I came to the conclusion the other night that I am in no way perfect but that I AM complete.

This was a major revelation to me.

I feel better having realized this.

"When you can't lean on anyone else, that's when you find yourself".

SO TRUE.

I'm learning so much about myself right now... and I like that. :) I've learned that "going out" has lost much of it's appeal since the finalization of the divorce. As well as "dating". BLAH. There. I said it. Sometimes I'm lonely.. and sometimes it's hard... but those times are quickly becoming LESS frequent. I like knowing that possibilities ARE out there... and I like keeping my options open (minus the obvious ones.. ha. i can SAFELY say that there is NO ONE in my life RIGHT NOW that I would date. Not one.) but that makes it all the more exciting. and I think that whenever it DOES happen, it will be beautiful bc I wasn't searching for it and wasn't planning on it. But as for right now, It's all about Brody and creating for him, the best life that I can.

There were people in my life that were once possible options but no... never again. I'm tired of being used.. and through this time, I realize so much more now.
I'm always putting people before myself. (Whether it WAS Josh or IS Bro).. and I understand that for ONCE in my life I deserve to be someones first priority.. I wont settle for less... and I'm glad that things have worked out the way they have. I'm GLAD certain things DIDN'T work out.. whether it was or wasn't my choice. I am glad NOW.

I'm going to make someone very happy someday. ;)

Someday.

*SIGH*

Last Saturday night, I passed on many options to go "out".. and instead went for a walk by myself in my pj's, flippy floppies and ipod.. took a hour long candle lit bubble bath. Caught up on a good book.. ate some frozen chocolate chips... and went to bed early.

It literally scared me how much MORE I enjoyed this then spending the time with someone I had lukewarm feelings for, where I was just searching for their attention and complements.

Damn. I must be growing up.

Feels good.

:)

Pleas listen to me... anyone who's listening.... download "Dat New New" by Kid Cudi... it's my personal theme song for the summer. Maybe it's just because I like saying "
Salutations my niggaz". and trust me ... "you can look all over but (NOOOPE) you'll never find..." MMmmmHmmm... AND also.... "Beggin" by Madcon. It's fsho dance in your skivys music.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

xxxx

ooo
xo

I'm loved.

2009-04-03T11:24:00.000-07:00

I feel so loved and so blessed to have these kinds of people in my life. I don't deserve them.

I was having a terrible night the other night... and this is what one of the girls at work did for me...

She sent me on a scavenger hunt around the store... and then at the end, had sweet notes and flowers waiting for me. How cute is that??? Totally turned my night around.

:)

Note to self:

2009-03-31T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I'm okay.

Okay.

Chelsea is................

2009-03-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

bored out of my MINNNNNND.
its snowing.
i wish i had a good movie
or some ice cream
or MY OWN APARTMENT!!!!!!!!
soon soon soon

i hope.

if i can get these stupid bills paid off... i can start saving for one.

and a couch

and a bed

and a bed for bro

and everything else that i just spent the last 4 years of my life accumulating.

and have now lost.

starting from scratch.

well, LESS than scratch since he's left me with hospital bills and a maxed out credit card.

hahahaha

he used MY credit card.. and put the furniture for the new house on it.

now he HAS the new house..

... as well as ALL the furniture....

and I have my credit card.

lovely.

If you want it.....

2009-03-23T11:31:00.000-07:00

RATATAT CONCERT TOMORROW NIGHT IN COLUMBIA!!!!!! I CAN'T FREAKIN' WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (download "Lex" and "Loud Pipes")

and I got a 50cent raise at one of my 3 jobs yesterday!!! YAY!!!

download Radiohead's song "talk Show Host"and turnn it upp REAL loud. This song makes me feel like a gangsta. Especially this line:

"You want me, well f*****g come on and find me. I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches..."

haha sandwiches. I mean come on. There's a reason they're my favorite band people!! I listen to it almost everyday on my way to work.. really freaking loud. I mean REALLY loud. It makes me feel like a bit of a badass.... at least until I step out of the car and remember that I'm the furthest thing from it. Ha. :)

Last night I called a MALE guest at work a "lovely lady" to one of our servers... yeah. OOPS.

I watched "A Mighty Heart" last night. It was ok. I love that kind of cinematography... however Angelina's french accent was not believable and very distracting. (as much as I love her). Tragic story. Daniel Pearl was an amazing man.

That's alls I got.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

MMmmm...

2009-03-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

Hi :)

I'm happy.

Maybe it's because I'm so busy? I like to be busy. It makes me feel needed and like my life has purpose.

Even though I'm only doing what I REALLY want to be doing with my life part time... my other 2 part time jobs are so much fun. I really love the people I work with. They make me laugh. HARD.

I'm not really sure of the direction of this blog.... i'm gonna just go with it.......

This is what's on my heart... I want to go to Rwanda. BAD. Or anywhere in Africa really. The thing is, I could only go in winter... and I wouldn't want to be away from Brody for more than 2 or 3 weeks. Hmmm....

I believe if it's meant to happen, it will. I'm not worried about the funding or anything like that, I know how to raise money for those types of things. I've done it before. It's just finding an organization to go with. It's just always on my mind/heart. I never stop thinking about those kids. I just want to go and hold each one. I want to take pictures and bring attention to the hurt that's still there and the war that's STILL going on and the little innocent lives that are being affected by it.

It's not fair. We all should be doing more. I'm willing. I want to go. I WILL go.

PERIOD.

(now to find an appropriate transition after that)

Hmm...

My friend Brianna is so funny. She's wonderful. I'm so excited that we'll be working together this summer. We will have ridiculous amounts of fun.

Last night she wore a "Jesus" shirt, with a big cross on it, to a bar last night... and I was commenting on the irony of it... and as she was sitting there with her cute little glass of wine, she looks at it and goes "damn this shirt! I keep asking for water and they keep bringin me wine!". hahahaha.

Oh I love her. She told me the other night that if the only way she could see me was in her dreams... she would sleep forever. I believe she means it too.

;)

Other things..

I can eat a lot of eggs. I can eat a dozen in one sitting, no problem. One day I'm going to test it and see just HOW MANY I can truly eat. I'm going to take a guess and say 19. I think I'll start getting full around 19.

Music I'm diggin right now: PHOENIX download "1901" also B-nana and I were jammin last night to "Blue and Yellow" by The Used. An oldy but a goody.

Peace ya'll. I'm off to work. I don't have a day off for 3 more weeks!!

I'm going to work my butt off til I have a nice place to live, a couch, bed, coffee table and dinning room table, a new wide-angle lens, a website, new business cards, and 3 months of bills saved up for winter. Then, and only then will I start working less. Whew. I can do it.

xo

Chelsea

(Below is a picture of Bro being his normally silly self, Me and one of my closest friends/personal trainer Gangsta Matty, and then a pic of me kissing Nana's cute lil' face.)

I've started a blog!!!

2009-03-21T01:43:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while.
I have a lot of random thoughts, experiences, and ideas... and this will be a great place for me to get it all out. Even if no one reads. I'm okay with that. Ha.

Sometimes I'll just want to share pictures from my day, or songs/lyrics that are really inspiring me at the moment. Basically I'm just going to blog everything that comes into my crazy little head.

For example, I'm going to share what happened to me yesterday...

Haha

I'm an airhead.

okay.

Keep that in mind.

I lose everything. I'm unorganized. I'm constantly locking my keys in my car.

Well, I did just that yesterday.. when I got out to pump gas. It was about 5:30 pm so everyone was getting off work and it was pretty freaking busy.
Me, immediately panicking, remembered that my SPARE was in my glove box (yeah. Great place for it). SO I noticed that I left my sunroof open... and thank goodness I did. So I did what I had to do.. I climbed up the hood of my big-abs jeep commander and dove head first in. Just laughing the whole time while people just watched.

Not in any way my most graceful moment. but I got a kick out of the people's expressions as I drove off.

(SIGH)

Yeah.

You ever have a random song from like 6 years ago pop in you head out of NO WHERE? and you become obsessed with it again? Yeah. For me today, it was Clipse "When the last time". I have NO idea why it just popped in my brain, but when I got off work, I immediately downloaded it and have listened to it 20 times in a row. I recommend you do the same. And when you do, picture me in my skivvies dancing like a moron on my bed. Because I truly did just that. ;)

"From the club, to the park and ride. How many chicks can you fit in that ride? Put 'em up, homie"

Ugh. LOVE IT.

ANNNNDDD... Watch this. It's a clip for my son's favorite tv show "Yo Gaba Gaba". It's basically sesame street on acid. A-freaking-mazing.

ALSO.. I've somehow forgotten that I have a camera on my phone... and I've been taking advantage of it lately. I will continue to do so. I'm going to share some from the last week or so.

Love and peace,

Chels